When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
