Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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