my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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