Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?