I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.