I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?