Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
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So many bounce houses so little time
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?