I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.