That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.