I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.