I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
