one two three fourrrrnication!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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