By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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