ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
