i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
