we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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