Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
