I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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