Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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