You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
