just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
