Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
