omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
