Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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