I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize