I'm drive I can fine osifer
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
