Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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