I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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