Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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