Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
