drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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