AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize