We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
