i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
