I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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