Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
