I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
