I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
