jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
there's paper in my vomit.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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