watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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