I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
only you would photoshop your dick
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
