I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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