Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
