why didn't you poke me back
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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