I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
