She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
