just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
