People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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