just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
