I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
