Umm I'm too high to move.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
