my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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