I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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