So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
