he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
