I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
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Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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