Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
