i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
