DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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