You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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