Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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