Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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