dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We are all done wearing pants today
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
