Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize