Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
