Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
