I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
