why didn't you poke me back
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
