Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
