I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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