He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
