Fine. I'll sleep in my office
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
