You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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