Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
