Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
a search helicopter?!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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