I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
