I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
