I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
