I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
