He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
